Wednesday, July 15, 2009

NostalgiaFAG Wednesday Vol. 4: Super Delayed Edition

What's up everybody. So I'm kinda back now, and in my absence and laziness I have missed/skipped a ton of blogging, and to this day 2 editions of NostalgiaFAG Wednesday. So thanks to my co-worker/homie Jesus, he has persuaded me to post tonight.

So here I am with something I'm sure you will remember....that is, if you're elementary school participated. So like fast food joints say all the time when they come out with a new burger or something, this probably happened at PARTICIPATING LOCATIONS ONLY...and my school totally did.

BAM! Behold, the Milk Pouch (Or milk in a bag...whatever you wanna call it).

Now I totally remember when we were first introduced to this CRAZY new product. The Bagged Milk was such a phenomenon, so much that I can say it was a revolutionary thing in the cafeteria food world. Now what happened was that the whole entire school, every grade and every class from K-1 to 5th grade, all faculty and staff, even the janitors were called up to the main hall for a special assembly. I remember asking myself "HOLY SHIT WTF IS GOING ON THAT NEEDS THE ENTIRE SCHOOL IN HERE?!" cuz I knew it wasn't an awards assembly as we just had one the previous day, and I got 2 motherfucking award certificates! (Alright enough bragging) Now of course, with how cheap elementary school was, in the middle of the 100's or maybe 1000's of students sitting down, indian-style on the hardwood floor (which always has been and still is a problem for me because I had/have no ass to cushion me so it always hurts), was that one single tube-TV used by every class, strapped into the squeaky-wheeled utility cart, with that old school VCR still attached, with the name of the school/classroom burnt into them by a soldering tool.

Anyways, the principal comes in, and announces the change from boxed milk cartons to the new clear-plastic pouches, and pops in the instructional video that introduced us to the wonders of the milk pouch, and teaching us the safety measures and how to poke ur straw into the bag to enjoy the goodness of pouched milk. A bunch of OOOOH's and AHHHH's, and lots of teacher's telling kids to be quiet and pay attention.

I was outraged! Not only because I hated the stupid pouches and how inconvenient they were to hold, and how the chocolate-milk pouch was significantly smaller than the regular milk one, but why couldn't they pouch apple juice as well?! Remember the apple juice?! The carton was so god damn tiny, it was like having a shot of apple juice and thats it! They seriously could have at least pouched apple juice to compensate and give us more juice damn it. I needed more juice to wash down my delicious turkey-n-gravy mashed potatoes, the best food the cafeteria had to offer other than those rare Domino's pizza days!

So yeah, if this brought you back in time, I'm glad. This was HUGE back in the day. I guess they made the change so that kids would stop throwing empty cartons at the weaker kids or stop them from stomping on the empty cartons to make that cool exploding popping sound. But yeah if this did not bring you back, be glad, as I would have rather been stuck with the awesome milk cartons as you did.

As always, hope you had a NOSTALGIC TIME!

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